I have been attending ante-natal classes to prepare for this baby. Okay, okay - third time round perhaps I don't need them as much as I have done in the past. So - my reasons for attending are to meet mums with babies the same age (always useful), to actually have some time in the week to think about the baby and what is to come and to have a good laugh at what is said. (Oh and there might be a small business reason in there too ;-) )

So - there are four classes:

1. First stage of labour - covering how do you know you are in labour, when to go to the hospital, what to do etc.. This is taken by one of the Midwives and is good fun - to watch all the first-time mums squirm as we talk about perineal massage, enemas, massage, hot baths and so on. The whole class is aimed at the hospital birth - so I get lots of comments of "except for Lucy". Don't get me wrong my local Midwives are incredibly pro-homebirth and the homebirth rate in East Lothian is currently the highest in Scotland.
2. Second and third stages of labour - covering all the what ifs of Caesarians, forceps, ventuose and so on. This really is the painful class - talking about pain relief and techniques and the joys of each method. Those of us who are second and third time mums gave a brief summary of our previous labours which was interesting... Amazingly no-one had had a c-section in the group - just lots of instrumental hosptial deliveries.
3. Talk by one of the Health Visitors about what to expect with a newborn. This one was this weeks treasure. I'll come back to it.
4. Breastfeeding - one where it is suggested that partners stay at home - which I think is setting you up for being embarrased to breastfeed - great start!

So - back to the Health Visitor talk. Well I'm not the biggest fan of health visitors. There are exceptions to the rule but generally I find them patronising and unwilling to accept other ways of looking after children. This particular health visitor I have come across on a number of occasions and she loves a good drama. My first meeting with her was at Morgan's 2 year check when she arrived at my house with a set of baby scales to weigh him. I laughed at her and went and got our bathroom scales.

She started the session off with introductions and then told us that she didn't like taking this class as it was such a negative thing to have to do! What is so negative about welcoming a newborn. Well as the hour went on I learnt how manipulative babies are. They cry just to get attention and demand a lot of our time - well yeah! If they cry too much, put them somewhere safe - like in their moses basket or their cot and go and make a cup of tea and leave the baby for 5 minutes! The emphasis was on coping with the new baby - and no mention at all of enjoying it. How about cuddling the baby when it's upset. As for breastfeeding, when that was mentioned it was again in a negative light. Instead of talking about the benefits of all that wonderful time bonding with the baby the angle was how inconvenient having to feed this baby every 2 hours is. Talk about anti-natal.. I though I'd signed up for ante-natal classes.

Just one more to go - again with a Midwife - so hopefully there will be some positive bits in it.